Non-Sequiturs and Pain
A surprising number of people will see your butthole if you go to jail. This is just a fact of life. Yet…as important as this is, I can’t decide whether or not this is worth expounding on. I sit here, spinning in my chair, at my computer, contemplating what my next writing should include.
Naturally, it should pertain to the surreal nature of the mundane with sardonic reflections on my life, with a dash of self-deprecation and, last but not least, a whisper of some bizarre faux homoerotic undertones for that additional unexpected comedic effect. Although my intro embraces this quintessence, I am at a loss, and my mind creates no further pithy anecdotes…I see only a blank canvas swirling repeatedly across my visual field, my workspace spinning, high-end office chair gliding effortlessly on its well-lubricated swivel, each revolution forcing me to glance at the bedding of my recently deceased and beloved wiener (faux homoeroticism engaged) dog, Hailey. She did all sorts of dog things: she stunk, shit, pissed, barked, and then pissed and shit some more while barking, but what Hailey did the most was love. She loved to be held, she loved to be pampered, and most of all, Hailey loved to be loved. My wife and I were lucky enough to provide her with just this; we loved her as much as we could for as long as we could. We love and miss her so much.
Hailey entered our lives as a puppy, and she was basically a furry little deviant. She destroyed her fair share of expensive shoes and also had an insatiable hunger for stealing and ripping up so much of my wife’s underwear that frat boys would be lined up down the block to hive-five each other and celebrate the sheer immensity of Hailey’s panty raids. But when you are cute like Hailey, it is easy to overlook her borderline lecherous and vandalistic proclivities. And like all beloved dogs, they grow out of this stage. We were blessed to watch her grow from a wild beast puppy, who was basically a small furry criminal, to a still wild but dignified and respectable beast lady. Seventeen years she had graced our home, and seventeen years she had spent glued to our arms, snuggling us from sunrise to sunset. But time is a cruel mistress…
During her last year, Hailey developed congestive heart failure, and as the condition advanced, she began to struggle more and more. She had good days and bad. She would excitedly run to get her food only to be stopped by fits of coughing. On Hailey’s last morning, we sat holding her on her favorite couch while the sun rose; my wife and I were heartbroken that this may be the last day we would get to be with her.
Unfortunately, it was. Before her final moments, Hailey had stood up on her four tiny little legs, began wagging her tail like she did when she was a puppy and squinted into the sunrise with a look of pure contentment. It was a very comforting sight to see. Though it was only a momentary relief as seconds later, Hailey collapsed into my wife’s arms before going unconscious while fighting to catch her breath.
We were unsure how long Hailey would struggle to breathe before passing, so we knew the compassionate thing to do would be to euthanize her to end her suffering. We had recently bought a luxury brand silky velour dog bed so that Hailey could feel pampered beyond her wildest dreams. Sadly, we didn’t know she would never really get to rest on it. So, instead, we brought it with us to the vet. This way, she could comfortably rest on the otherwise cold, steal table at the veterinary exam room where we said our last goodbye. During the euthanizing procedure, my wife and I embraced her tiny body the entire time, my wife gently kissing her forehead and myself holding her little paws until she had breathed her last breath.
Love is a fucked-up abomination to a strict philosophical naturalism. It allows us to enter an ethereal realm that is pure subjective bliss. Loss is the bitter correction that makes the aforementioned statements forgettable. It hurts to know she is gone, but it soothes to know she will be remembered. Heartbreaking memories are the metaphysical counterweight transcending this mere mortal coil.
To the billions of people who have lost loved ones and the billions of loved ones who will inevitably be lost, I just want to say we love you. For all those feeling this pain of loss, you are in good company. We understand; we are all in this together.
