An update so short it almost doesn't exist.
Today is April 28th, 2024.
If you’re wondering, yes, that is me all alone in my car, yelling at myself. Today, I yell the words “fuck” and “Yeah!” as I high-five myself and listen as the invisible me points finger guns and goes “pew pew.” I say this because the kid next to me is on his phone now, probably telling his girlfriend everything I just described.
The more you know.
According to a 2021 survey, 12% of auto accidents were caused by distracted driving, which includes driving while texting, using a GPS to navigate, and browsing on social media. In the same survey, 12% of distracted driving accidents resulted in deaths. 37% of drivers admitted to reading a text or email while driving, and the rest of the participants are lying that they don’t.
Speaking of death, Season 2 of The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst premiered last week. The HBO docu-series follows up its first season with the arrest of Robert Durst and the events leading up to it. If you were unaware (like I was) that this series even existed, The Jinx first premiered in 2015, hopping on the same true crime wave that made shows like Making a Murderer and The Staircase relevant in today's culture. Season 2 doesn’t waste any time at all getting to the “did he or didn’t he” suggestion. Andrew Jarecki balances the pace between the victims, the murders, and the kind face behind the not-so-kind persona that Durst carries with him. The 45-50 minute episodes seem the perfect length to carry this pace, so when Logan (and everyone reading this) is done binge-watching Law and Order on Hulu, give The Jinx: The Life and Deaths of Robert Durst a try. Catch season 2, episode 1 on MAX now. The Jinx Season 2
Oh, here’s a quick story.
In the fall of 2020, I was driving my Toyota Corolla down 17th Street in Idaho Falls when a red Jeep rammed into my driver's side, totaling the vehicle. I was hit by a sixteen-year-old kid who admittedly claimed to be texting his best friend about a pair of Minor League Baseball tickets he just bought. I couldn’t help but give the little fucker a hug for his honesty. Here’s a young man, standing alongside his parents and the police, openly admitting that he was texting while driving, that this alone was the cause of the accident. Twenty seconds earlier, I was doing the same exact thing. I mean, I wasn’t texting my buddy about Minor League Baseball tickets. That would be stupid. I was ordering a Hawaiian pizza from my Domino’s app. I never did end up grabbing that pizza.
But speaking of pizza, where I am right now is in my mom’s living room, pounding the plastic keys as loud as I can, all in a vain attempt to let my mom know this isn’t a great time to learn about the types of pizza she used to eat during her college years. If you are nostalgic about that sort of thing, in the mid-70s, you could buy a box of Jiffy mix pizza dough for 25 cents and bake an entire large pizza for two dollars and fifty.
Speaking of college years, “The Little Mermaid Horror Movie: Everything We Need to Know about the R-rated Makeover” flashes across my computer screen.
An archaeologist who discovers that an ancient, advanced society once existed on a small island in the Caribbean falls in love with a mysterious woman who just happens to be an evil siren. But like my step-brother from my dad’s second failed marriage once said, “If it ain’t got no fuckin, I no longer don’t want to see it!” Or something “ain't not” as eloquent as that.
“Fuck Yeah!”
“Pew pew!”
This has absolutely nothing to do with my college years, but I needed some sort of segue into why the Little Mermaid reboot is flashing across my computer screen. Don’t you dare say it’s from my algorithms based on my previous search history? Don’t you fucking dare!
Recently, my search history keeps showing me videos of top stock picks to choose from. The Bitcoin halving has now come and gone, my friends. And my DOGE COIN investment just keeps going away (shit, this does remind me I need to tell Larry to think about pulling his money out of DOGE COIN). In early February, I purchased DOGE at (actually, the more I think about it, Larry will get the message when he helps proof this) around 8 cents a token, and to my enthusiastic surprise, I watched it grow to 20 cents. There were even talks of DOGE COIN reaching $1, that the pump had started, and we haven’t even hit the halving event for Bitcoin. Millions of wild-eyed kids in their 20s rejoiced! Thousands of new millionaires were ready for birth. Big plans were made. Debts were prepared to be paid. The next six months were ready for Utopia! And then, by the end of the month, I sold most of my shares in a panic. Then I rebought. Then I resold (actually, I think Larry should just keep his money there. Yeah, Larry, keep your money there, buddy). Anyway, at the time of writing this, the DOGE COIN sits at 15 cents and is ready for the moon! I’m fucking pumped for a pump! What about you?
Before I forget…
Actually, maybe I’ll sell…
Logan lost his dog the other day. I’ll let him share the details if he wants to, but he did write a beautiful, heartfelt post you can view by clicking here: Non-Sequiturs and Pain
The CircleDumb team is set for now. The website is coming along. It really doesn’t bother me, but Larry was saying something about being bummed people aren’t stopping by the online CircleDumb Store. Logan started ripping open his tank top and flipped over a limousine; he was so upset. It doesn’t bother me. I’m not the one complaining. I told the guys to relax, that money doesn’t grow on trees. But in all seriousness, the CircleDumb team would like to thank you for reading this.
“Pew pew!”
THE END
