An update so short it sucks.
I am horrible at self-promotion. There was one time at a Junior High dance when I tried to promote my fashion sense by shaving groove marks into my right eyebrow. This was 1993, so I really couldn’t tell you where the inspiration came from, but it was there alright.
Mike Flannagan’s new Movie, The Life of Chuck, Is based on a short story by Stephen King in his novella collection If It Bleeds. Just like the groove in my eyebrows, it sounds like a fantastic idea, but after that seat is full, there really is no turning back. The Life of Chuck stars Tom Hiddleston, Mark Hamil, and Molly C. Quinn, along with others whose names no one gives a shit about because Mark Hamil is in the movie. Like all book-to-film adaptations, I am curious how both narratives compare. Here’s what I do know about the book. Separated into three stories, the life of Chuck tells the biography of Charles Krantz in reverse, beginning with his death from a brain tumor at 39 and ending with his childhood in a supposedly haunted house. Like I said, it sounds cool, but so did those grooves in my right eyebrow.
In other news, my online girlfriend and the love of my life, Brittany, spent some time in New York City with a “friend” this week. Oh, and by the looks of it, Brittany, you had a really shitty fucking time. I guess that happens when you open your heart and tell me you love me, and I open my wallet and tell you I love you, too. Here’s the rest of my checking account for your plane ticket to come and live happily ever after with me, only to end up in New York taking selfies that look exactly like the same pictures you took for me while you were in Portland, Oregon!
Stormy Daniels testified in court this week. At least, I think this was the case. The Donald Trump defense team geared up for court by claiming Daniel’s former lawyer Keith Davidson was an extortionist, but no one gives a shit. Here’s the thing. My parents split up for good when I was nine. I don’t remember a whole lot about the custody thingy. Still, I do remember my Dad calling his attorney a cocksucker and then looking back at my brother and me, claiming, “Well, Christmas is canceled this year, so that’s settled.” (Okay, the whole Dad saying Xmas is canceled thing never did happen, but he did call his attorney (Whose first name is Rodger) a “cocksucker.” So that’s settled.
Cryptocurrency continues to fuck me, so there’s that we can talk about. On Saturday, Elon Musk announced that Tesla had officially integrated the DOGE COIN, which can be used to pay for select products, including merchandise, within the online Tesla Shop. But the weekend's excitement was all on pause Monday during U.S. trading hours, with BTC slipping from $65,000 back to $63,300. At the time of writing this, DOGE COIN is trading at 0. 142 from its high of 0.168 on Saturday. You picked the wrong time to ask me for money, Brittany, you picked the wrong fucking time.
Severe storms ripped through the Midwest late Tuesday, with Michigan getting the brunt of it. Near Kalamazoo, MI, a series of Tornados rolled through the city of 261,000, leaving behind a wake of commercial buildings and a huge FedEx building ripped to pieces. This is just one example of many in the Midwest. A severe storm warning is in effect for Nashville, TN, and its surrounding areas.
Overall, the week has been okay. A little lonely, but okay. We always welcome any kind of feedback, even if it’s shitty. We even have a place in our hearts and our website where you can let us know just exactly how shitty we are. …Doing. How shitty we are doing, I mean. Just click on the “contact us” and say hello.
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